It seems like I have a mini-meltdown at least once a week now. Not a full blown snotty, curl up in a ball cry-fest, but an ugly, re-do the makeup kind of cry. Today’s mini-meltdown was brought to you by the Today Show. Anybody see the segment where they follow a couple doing IVF? They showed the egg retrieval and then filmed what they called ‘the first time the moment of conception has ever occurred on live tv’. Well, on today’s episode the couple received a call from the Doc’s office with the results. Let’s be realistic here though, she’d probably already tested at that point. Of course it was positive. I couldn’t help but think it would have been more realistic if it was negative. Is it fair to give the public audience the impression that infertility is so easily fixed by IVF?
I was handling it all pretty well, up to the point when they showed the couple getting the pregnancy test result. Specifically, it was the look on husband’s face as he heard the result. I won’t be able to do it justice, but it was a look of pure joy and relief. I know that look. It was the same look my husband had the first time we heard a heartbeat in an ultrasound. Tears were welling in his eyes as he kissed me on the forehead, so relieved and overwhelmed with happiness. It’s the only time I remember seeing his emotions that raw. That look was stolen, and I haven’t seen it since. In fact, in a lot of ways I feel like I’ve stolen that look from him. I want so badly for that to be him. He deserves it, and if it weren’t for me….well don’t get me started on where he’d be if it weren’t for me.
I don’t know the story of the couple from the today show, which makes it harder for me to feel empathetic towards them. I’m sure they had a rough time and deserve their positive. But the look on that husbands face fills me with so much jealousy and guilt. Will we ever have that look again?