I found out today that I need to have hip surgery. It wasn’t a total surprise, I’ve had hip/low back/knee pain for six months or so, and it hadn’t improved with weeks and weeks of physical therapy, rest, or anti-inflammatories. I was scheduled to have an MRI about a month ago when I found out I ovulated early, and had to cancel it. I’m really glad I did, because in the meantime I decided to fire my orthopedist and find a new one. He was kind of a jerk, and couldn’t be bothered to answer the most basic questions. The final straw was when his office didn’t return my calls for three weeks.
I saw a new doctor today and he was a million times better. He took a few more x-rays and after about 3 seconds of looking at them was ready to diagnose it as a hip labral tear caused by femoral acetabular impingement (FAI). I don’t know the details, but basically, there’s something odd about the shape of my femur that made a tear really likely. For a long time the pain wasn’t bad at all, and I thought it was just lack of flexibility and whatnot so I pushed myself really hard and probably made it much worse. Bottom line is, if I don’t fix it I’ll probably end up needing a hip replacement at some ridiculously early age, and if I do fix it I could still end up needing a hip replacement. Grrr.
So after the quick diagnosis, my new and improved doctor suggested getting in to do an MRI then scheduling surgery asap (insurance won’t cover surgery without an MRI first, even though he’s sure of what it is- excellent logic insurance guys). After the surgery I wouldn’t be able to do weight bearing activities like carrying around a fetus for at least four months, so what followed was the semi-humiliating experience of me explaining my pregnancy history. For most normal people, holding off getting pregnant for four months shouldn’t be a big deal, so I had to explain why I wasn’t willing to stop trying right now. I had to explain that most likely I will have another miscarriage before long and so I’ll be clear for surgery in no time all. Plus, I’ll probably never have to worry about carrying around a full sized fetus, so yeah. Despite being a doctor, he reacted just about the way you’d expect any guy off the street to react- he was super uncomfortable. He didn’t really know what to say, and just said, ‘well it won’t hurt to wait a little longer to have surgery’. I don’t blame him, he’s an orthopedist, he probably chose that area of medicine to avoid ever having to deal with ridiculous hormonal infertile types.
So, there are several unfortunate consequences of this situation. A) I will have hip/back/knee pain for a while longer. It’s not the end of the world, I can handle it, but it’s definitely annoying. B) If I manage to get pregnant and somehow have a normal pregnancy, it will probably aggravate the problem and I’ll have even more pain. Not too worried about that at the moment. C) If I have another miscarriage, after dealing with a D and C (just assuming I’ll need one, since I have every other time) and the very likely depression that comes afterwards, I’ll immediately have another surgery and recovery to look forward to. I’m pretty sure this is going to make an already depressing situation much worse.
The recovery time is 10 days on crutches, and no driving since it’s my right hip. Then I’ll have to avoid weight bearing exercise for four months. This is going to be really really hard because I have a really tough time motivating myself to exercise, but I still have enormous guilt if I don’t exercise. I’ve finally gotten a routine that works for me- walking 2+ miles 4-5 days a week, and yoga 3 days a week. I’ll have to give up both of these. I could do low impact exercise like swimming, but it’s not like I have a pool in my back yard. I’ll probably end up needing to get a gym membership to use the seated bike. I kind of hate the sound of this, and I’m worried instead I’ll just end being a lazy piece of crap for 4 months. Plus, I’m already the worst one in every single yoga class I’ve ever been to (not joking, even 60 year-olds trying it for the first time are stronger and more flexible than me…). I’ve managed to improve just a teeny bit since I started a year or so ago, and I’m going to lose all of that and start over at square one. I really think this whole thing is going to be a mess and I’m not sure how I’ll get through it on top of dealing with another miscarriage.
I also happened to catch a pregnancy announcement on FB today that I really wasn’t expecting. It’s G’s cousin, and they haven’t even been married a year. I’m not FB friends with her, so I didn’t see her original announcement a few weeks ago, and instead just caught an off comment she made on another family member’s page. I literally screamed ‘ARE YOU F’ING KIDDING ME???’ at my computer screen. This announcement hit G harder than I expected too. He happened to get home from work early, and was stuck at home feeling crappy for a long time before I made it home. By the time I got here he was looking really dejected and lonely. This is so completely unlike him, I was really surprised. I tried to get him to talk about it, but all I could get out of him was that he feels like life is passing us by. Ditto.
And as if that isn’t enough for one day, my poor baby kitty is a druggie. For real. She’s on some serious narcotics and totally stoned. We took her to the vet yesterday because she’s been peeing outside her litterbox, and they found blood in her urine. The vet is pretty sure it’s nothing serious, but one of the possibilities is a lower respiratory disease that’s treated with painkillers. They gave her a shot that lasts a few days and she’s totally loopy. It would be adorable if it wasn’t so sad. I’m sure she’s fine, and she seems to be enjoying her trip in the meantime, but she’s just my little baby and I hate seeing her like this.
Thank god it’s the weekend tomorrow….