Is today over yet?

I found out today that I need to have hip surgery. It wasn’t a total surprise, I’ve had hip/low back/knee pain for six months or so, and it hadn’t improved with weeks and weeks of physical therapy, rest, or anti-inflammatories. I was scheduled to have an MRI about a month ago when I found out I ovulated early, and had to cancel it. I’m really glad I did, because in the meantime I decided to fire my orthopedist and find a new one. He was kind of a jerk, and couldn’t be bothered to answer the most basic questions. The final straw was when his office didn’t return my calls for three weeks.

I saw a new doctor today and he was a million times better. He took a few more x-rays and after about 3 seconds of looking at them was ready to diagnose it as a hip labral tear caused by femoral acetabular impingement (FAI). I don’t know the details, but basically, there’s something odd about the shape of my femur that made a tear really likely. For a long time the pain wasn’t bad at all, and I thought it was just lack of flexibility and whatnot so I pushed myself really hard and probably made it much worse. Bottom line is, if I don’t fix it I’ll probably end up needing a hip replacement at some ridiculously early age, and if I do fix it I could still end up needing a hip replacement. Grrr.

So after the quick diagnosis, my new and improved doctor suggested getting in to do an MRI then scheduling surgery asap (insurance won’t cover surgery without an MRI first, even though he’s sure of what it is- excellent logic insurance guys). After the surgery I wouldn’t be able to do weight bearing activities like carrying around a fetus for at least four months, so what followed was the semi-humiliating experience of me explaining my pregnancy history. For most normal people, holding off getting pregnant for four months shouldn’t be a big deal, so I had to explain why I wasn’t willing to stop trying right now. I had to explain that most likely I will have another miscarriage before long and so I’ll be clear for surgery in no time all. Plus, I’ll probably never have to worry about carrying around a full sized fetus, so yeah. Despite being a doctor, he reacted just about the way you’d expect any guy off the street to react- he was super uncomfortable. He didn’t really know what to say, and just said, ‘well it won’t hurt to wait a little longer to have surgery’. I don’t blame him, he’s an orthopedist, he probably chose that area of medicine to avoid ever having to deal with ridiculous hormonal infertile types.

So, there are several unfortunate consequences of this situation. A) I will have hip/back/knee pain for a while longer. It’s not the end of the world, I can handle it, but it’s definitely annoying. B) If I manage to get pregnant and somehow have a normal pregnancy, it will probably aggravate the problem and I’ll have even more pain. Not too worried about that at the moment. C) If I have another miscarriage, after dealing with a D and C (just assuming I’ll need one, since I have every other time) and the very likely depression that comes afterwards, I’ll immediately have another surgery and recovery to look forward to. I’m pretty sure this is going to make an already depressing situation much worse.

The recovery time is 10 days on crutches, and no driving since it’s my right hip. Then I’ll have to avoid weight bearing exercise for four months. This is going to be really really hard because I have a really tough time motivating myself to exercise, but I still have enormous guilt if I don’t exercise. I’ve finally gotten a routine that works for me- walking 2+ miles 4-5 days a week, and yoga 3 days a week. I’ll have to give up both of these. I could do low impact exercise like swimming, but it’s not like I have a pool in my back yard. I’ll probably end up needing to get a gym membership to use the seated bike. I kind of hate the sound of this, and I’m worried instead I’ll just end being a lazy piece of crap for 4 months. Plus, I’m already the worst one in every single yoga class I’ve ever been to (not joking, even 60 year-olds trying it for the first time are stronger and more flexible than me…). I’ve managed to improve just a teeny bit since I started a year or so ago, and I’m going to lose all of that and start over at square one. I really think this whole thing is going to be a mess and I’m not sure how I’ll get through it on top of dealing with another miscarriage.

I also happened to catch a pregnancy announcement on FBย  today that I really wasn’t expecting. It’s G’s cousin, and they haven’t even been married a year. I’m not FB friends with her, so I didn’t see her original announcement a few weeks ago, and instead just caught an off comment she made on another family member’s page. I literally screamed ‘ARE YOU F’ING KIDDING ME???’ at my computer screen. This announcement hit G harder than I expected too. He happened to get home from work early, and was stuck at home feeling crappy for a long time before I made it home. By the time I got here he was looking really dejected and lonely. This is so completely unlike him, I was really surprised. I tried to get him to talk about it, but all I could get out of him was that he feels like life is passing us by. Ditto.

And as if that isn’t enough for one day, my poor baby kitty is a druggie. For real. She’s on some serious narcotics and totally stoned. We took her to the vet yesterday because she’s been peeing outside her litterbox, and they found blood in her urine. The vet is pretty sure it’s nothing serious, but one of the possibilities is a lower respiratory disease that’s treated with painkillers. They gave her a shot that lasts a few days and she’s totally loopy. It would be adorable if it wasn’t so sad. I’m sure she’s fine, and she seems to be enjoying her trip in the meantime, but she’s just my little baby and I hate seeing her like this.

Thank god it’s the weekend tomorrow….

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14 thoughts on “Is today over yet?

  1. Oh man.. That’s a rough day. It stinks you will have to get surgery. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ It will probably make it feel better in the long run, but on top of everything else? I don’t really think you need anymore difficulties in your life. I am thinking about deactivating Facebook. I just cannot take all of those announcements! Doesn’t it seem like it’s at the worst time possible? Or maybe there would never be a good time for an announcement like that. Thinking about you! I hope your cat gets better soon too.

    • Thanks :). I do think it’ll be better in the long run, just not looking forward to the process! My FB is completely inundated with pregnancies/babies lately, but I guess that’s just my age :(. The announcements suck a lot, but I’d still rather get the announcement at home where I can scream at the computer screen. I can’t scream at my MIL when she tells me these things (if only….).

  2. Sorry to hear about your rubbish day. That does sound like a bit of a shocker! It’s one of those times where you could do with a crystal ball so that you could know when to have the surgery without affecting your chances of conceiving. If only we could be told “this is the day you will conceive your sticking baby” it would make this process a lot simpler!

  3. I’m so sorry! Ugh! Wish I could wave a wand and make it go away. Hang in there…you and the hubs are strong and fighters…you’ll make it! Hugs and prayers!

  4. I’m so sorry you got such bad news – but good on you for firing the jerk! That’s how we ended up where we’re at, minus an RE (we had a grade A jerk) and totally in limbo. The preggo announcements are precisely why I totally just sidestepped the constant landmines and closed my FB account a few years ago – no loss there for me personally.

    I know that, on top of everything else, it’s SO hard to see your husband feeling so dejected. Somehow, we see them almost like infallible human beings because they’re there for us when we need them, take care of us and are supposed to be the strong, tough cookies. But I’ve seen that in my husband, too, lately. Most of the time he won’t say anything about it – and it’ll come out at some point, by the by, someone else got pregnant (usually with the 3rd or 4th, or twins – something like that; NEVER anything like oh you know, they’d been trying for a LONG time, or yeah they also have IF issues).

    Hope you’re resting this weekend and taking it easy! HUGS

  5. Oh you poor thing. As if you needed another wrench in the mix.

    Two quick thoughts:
    1. My gut is casting some doubts on the advice of the doctor that you’d have to avoid pregnancy (as a weight-bearing event) for 4 months to facilitate hip recovery. Why? because even at 4 months pregnant your fetus weighs almost nothing. Many women don’t even gain weight (or much weight) in the first 4 months. Your baby won’t weigh a pound until s/he is ~5.5 months. The only thing that I think could be a factor is perhaps the relaxin and hormonal changes in pregnancy. Anyway, just food for thought; it might not hurt to get a second opinion about pregnancy post-surgery, especially if you are in pain.

    2. Ugh, pregnancy announcements. I still hate them. However, try to keep something in mind – that couple might have been married for less than a year, but you never know what their TTC journey was like. Sure, they might have gotten pregnant within a few months of trying. But they may also have tried for months or even years beforehand. My husband and I only got married this May. I was 5w pregnant at the time. But we tried for 20 months and had 5 miscarriages before that. Point is, you just never know the journey people have been on (unless you actually do know, and then yes, curse them for both of our sakes) ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I think you’re right, he’s probably being overly cautious in saying 4 months. With the time it would take to schedule and actually have the surgery though, it would probably take 2-3 months before we could start trying again either way, and I don’t think I’m really okay with waiting even that long…

  6. I read your blog and felt like I was reading about myself. The whole pregnancy complication in association with a hip labral tear issue, that is. I’m very curious. Did you move forward with the labral tear repair? Did you end up getting pregnant before or after? Please let m know? I’m trying to decide if I should move forward with my own surgery or try for a pregnancy first. Thanks!

    • Hi leanna! I did actually have the repair but not until after my ( successful) pregnancy. I had my daughter in july of 2014 and had the surgery in april of 2015. I can’t imagine having waited to get pregnant again, so im glad i didn’t wait until i had had the surgery. But it wasn’t super easy to deal with the recovery with a baby either. My husband had to do a lot of extra work for a few weeks, and my mom came to help for a while. My recovery really didn’t take that long in the long run though. Hardest part was finding time for physical therapy for months after. I have had a slow recovery because i had trouble really committing to the physical therapy and still have some pain but it’s getting better and i think it will be fine in the long run. Good luck :).

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