Well I made it to Friday. And as expected the test was negative. G and I tested first thing this morning, and for the first time in quite a while, he was really upset with the negative. Not that he hasn’t been upset in the past, but he has a lot more patience than I do, so a month here or there is not as hard for him as it is for me. This time he admitted that he’s also getting really frustrated. It feels like an eternity since the last time I was pregnant. It has been an eternity really, 9 months if you don’t count the chemical pregnancies. Granted part of that time we were holding off trying, but I was only okay with that because I assumed it wouldn’t take a million years to get pregnant again.
That was a few hours ago. Since then, I’ve gone back into the bathroom to look at the stupid test again like 10 times. Does anyone else do this? I know your not supposed to read the test after 5 minutes because apparently you can get an evaporation line (what the hell is that anyway??). Well if they want me to not look at it again after 5 minutes then it would need to self-destruct, because I don’t have that kind of self-control. And the more I stare at the stupid thing, the more I’ve been able to convince myself that just maybe there is the faintest of faint lines there. G isn’t home anymore to try to convince me I’m crazy (which, let’s face it, I am), so my imagination is running away with me. There’s nothing I can do except wait until tomorrow. So here I am, back where I was yesterday. The waiting game. UGGGG, I’m just so sick of all of this!!