T minus 4 days and counting

I don’t need to tell any of you guys that the TWW sucks. I’m at about 5 dpo, which is the point when I usually start to turn in to a giant ball of crazy. I’ve been doing okay so far, but it’s gotta be just a matter of time. The thing is, this month I don’t have any of my trusty symptoms to rely on. I’ve been feeling nauseous on and off for like, six weeks straight now (god only knows why…), so any nausea going forward really can’t be trusted. I’ve also been having random cramps for the last couple weeks, so that can’t be trusted either. All the other symptoms are unreliable to begin with (when am I not a little tired?). So this could either work out in my favor or work against me. Ideally, I’d be able to calmly remind myself that these ‘symptoms’ don’t mean anything. But is that likely? Ha!

So, I’ve given myself four days to suffer until I start testing. I wouldn’t usually start testing on day 9, but I want to make sure I have a thyroid test as early as humanly possible if I get a positive. Even if its only a tiny chance that it’ll be positive on day 9, it’s worth the tiny chance to get in for a blood test that day. Otherwise, if I get a positive over the weekend I have to wait until Monday for bloodwork. So, I will try to manage my expectations and not let it ruin my whole day if its negative on Friday. Is that likely?? Haha!

And even if I do get a positive, I’ll have to try not to take it too seriously yet since I had two chemical pregnancies in a row a few months ago. I wrote that off as bad luck (although extremely frustrating bad luck), but if it happens again I’ll start to get really really freaked out. Or, if I don’t get pregnant this month, we’ll be going on 5 months of trying with no results, which will really get the ball of crazy going. Have I gone backwards? Have I lost the ability to even get pregnant now? I don’t have much hope that it will work out even if I do get pregnant again, but I need to at least get there to find out! Ugg, I don’t even want to start going there.

On a side note, I had a mini-breakdown checking facebook again today. I wrote once before about a friend (really a wife of a friend) who has been torturing me with her pregnancy blog posts. Today she made a passing comment that she is starting to do baby laundry. She’s about 7 months pregnant now, and preparing for her baby by washing all the gifts they’ve gotten. There was just a simple photo of a hamper of baby laundry attached to the post. So simple, and so real. It’s not just a bump anymore, in a few short months she’ll be holding her very real baby. And I’ll be holding…nothing.

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6 thoughts on “T minus 4 days and counting

  1. My heart goes out to you today! Try to stay positive. Anything can happen, at any time!! You never know! A bad month doesn’t mean it won’t happen! Sending hugs!

  2. The TWW is awful! So sorry about FB, I am thinking about deactivating mine. Last week, I saw a friend commented on a picture which included a ‘count down til baby’ which happened to be my EXACT date. It crushed me. It just stinks! Hopefully you find the strength to make it through this week. I’ll be thinking about you.

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